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Feeling Alive Again

by Tom on March 22nd, 2010

This seems an odd title to use as I continue this controlled-descent to my near-death. Let us not forget:

We are essentially flooding the entire Earth, save for Madagascar, and then repopulating Madagascar with a bunch of people we’re pretty sure aren’t cancer.

I got word this morning that my white blood cell count is under 100, which puts me in the running to catch just about any two bit infection that strolls in here. That’s why there’s a curtain blocking my door. And an actual door. Plus desks, and I think two levels of elevators. And people dancing in bit promotional costumes shaped like hand-sanitizer bottles. Seriously, folks!

As sleeeeeeepily mentioned before, the first four days of conditioning were total-body irradiation. For this, you are escorted into a room and directed to stand in a box which they take x-ray measurements for your lung blocks. The lung blocks are huge chunks of metal they use to block some of the radiation from hitting your lungs. Your lungs get to sit out half of the sessions on account of their wussy knees.

Then they have you stand in the box again, hold the grips, close your eyes, and START THE BEAMS. The beams are, from sheer muscle-fiber actuating, the least exciting part of the event. A buzzing noise plays to let everyone know that the beams are active, but they really could just have one of those aaaaa-ooooo-gah! horns playing instead. The real magic is where the beams come from…

But for the patient this is all very boring. It was described by one patient as “waiting for a bus that never comes.” Amazingly, however, after all of that waiting, it is all one can do to get a couple of winks. Oh, excuse me for descending into medical jargon. “Couple” is cancer patient for “giant burlap sack”.

As so I napped. Uncomfortably at first, but soon finding my niche. TBI, nap nap, TBI, nap nap nap. Eventually the TBI part dropped out and there was just napping.

Even napping must begat something though, and the human that wrote this post was energetic and full of promise! The human that will write the next post, though ostensibly the same, will not share these qualities…

From → Treatment Phase

  1. Chad permalink

    I hear Madagascar is nice this time of year. Good luck with the repopulating! Look forward to seeing you when the new Madagascarans have fruitfuled, multiplied, and bought condos in your clavicles.

  2. Karen permalink

    At least you’re still entertaining!!!

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